Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway!

   Damn court sux. If I ever got pooled 4 jury duty I would start all my answers w/ "According to the phrophecy..."

   These internet scams must make it difficult for legitimate Nigerian officials to share huge sums of money with strangers

   Where there's smoke, the possibility exists I might be cooking...

   never apologizes. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am....

   Many years ago,Ozzy Osbourne asked me how he could get publicity to help his music career. I told him he needed a bright red hat. He thought I said "bite the head off a bat". And the rest,of course is history.

   I measure the wealth of my day by asking myself did I add more friends today over friends who have deleted me on Facebook

   My ex girlfriend auditioned for American idol. She said if she got through, she would be on "Cloud 9". I told her she was more suited for "Destrict 9"

   loves automatic doors. It makes him feel like a Jedi.

   In the scale of 1 to Kanye West, how interruptive are you?

   Did a book report on facebook and passed.

   the cost of living has gone up and the cost of making a living is really up.

   Facebook: the only book teens read these days.

   I Dont Even Tell Myself What To Do! So What Gives You The Right Too!!

   Televangelist Pat Robertson said the earthquake in Haiti happened because they made a pact with the devil to get rid of the French in the Haitian Revolution. Pat, please. You don't need a pact with the devil to bead the French.

   doesn't believe in superstitions....it's bad luck!!

   you know its sad when your mother is on facebook and guys younger than you are poking her.

   has been invited to go out tonight, but I'm a little scared...if a girl spends more then $200.00 on me...should I let her go past 2nd base???

   the best times to have a breakup...christmas, valentines and her birthday

   Good girls go to heaven , Bad girls go everywhere!