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Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this. 
Relationship status: my cat won't sit still for our selfies.
Just seen a picture of Rihanna fully dressed. Man these hackers don't sleep.
You should never judge a person by how clean the inside of their microwave is.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
I'd give Floyd Mayweather another $75 if he turned around and knocked Justin Bieber clean out of the ring.
has anyone tried to unplug and plug back in the Governmen?
No thanks polygamy. One wife is too many.
Ill be thankful when this thankful month is over
In further keeping with the new American tradition of ruining holidays by starting them early and hurrying them along...I put up all my Christmas decorations yesterday, and took them back down this morning.
If you heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, who heard it from another, then that information might of come from the same person that was in that REO Speedwagon song.
I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those 'eat right and exercise' fads.
I hate when I tell someone I'm bored, and they suggest getting together. Then I have to explain that I'm not quite that bored.
Have a baby hold your cigarette for a minute and everybody loses their sh*t!
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
What one person receives without working for .... another person must work for without receiving
I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart
Let's be honest,, At some point, you'd think there'd be a governmental inquiry into the excessively high escape rate of Gotham City's penitentiaries.
I show people I love them by not spending time with them. It’s the best thing I can offer. 