mds Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please press 1?" So I did. I don't remember much afterwards.
←Rate | 10-13-2013 12:30 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Breaking News: North Korea missile test delayed due to problems with Windows 95.
←Rate | 04-13-2013 14:47 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I'm gonna be pretty good at it.
←Rate | 04-08-2013 15:19 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won't need to adjust her driving.
←Rate | 03-06-2014 08:21 by mds Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Walmart needs a new parking sign "Just Lazy"
←Rate | 10-13-2013 12:25 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's funny how gas can drop $10.00 a barrel and the price at the pump stays the same for a week or so, but if it goes up a dollar the price at the pump jumps right away.. that's just F'd up, if you ask me.
←Rate | 05-25-2012 04:04 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good thing it's Valentines day, cause I woke up with a massive heart on!
←Rate | 02-14-2013 07:43 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think my neighbors just cut down all their trees, just so they could get a better glimpse of me spying on them.
←Rate | 08-20-2013 17:58 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when people say 'You don't need alcohol to have fun.' You don't need shoes to walk on gravel, but they help.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 07:48 by mds Comments (0)  


   messageicon National no bra day wasn't as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
←Rate | 10-13-2013 19:39 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, I've noticed that your superpower is the ability to create drama out of absolutely nothing.
←Rate | 03-08-2013 08:20 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, who heard it from another, then that information might of come from the same person that was in that REO Speedwagon song.
←Rate | 03-01-2014 17:53 by mds Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
←Rate | 02-21-2013 07:49 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon The French have announced they've sent a peace keeping force to Ukraine. They've managed to secure the city of Chernobyl without any resistance.
←Rate | 03-02-2014 13:06 by mds Comments (0)  


   messageicon 12 miles on the treadmill in 68 minutes! ..... tomorrow, I might actually get on it.
←Rate | 04-24-2013 18:02 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying she's bipolar, but for nearly two hours I thought her mood ring was a strobe light.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 13:49 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a guy getting mugged. I was going to help him out, but he was wearing Crocs.
←Rate | 11-30-2016 14:15 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...I'm begining to think my Amish friend isn't going to text me.
←Rate | 05-15-2012 19:23 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find it weird that we still use animals for product testing when there are at least 37 million Bieber fans out there.
←Rate | 04-26-2013 07:35 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a well known fact... buying cheap toilet-paper can lead to a self violation.
←Rate | 11-30-2012 08:13 by MDS Comments (0)  


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