Funny Status Messages

   By now, Colonel Sanders has killed more people prematurely than if he were an actual military officer.

   I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

   "Find your ideal partner on Facebook"No thanks, I can safely say that one quality I am not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm.

   Sometimes a big fish in a small pond is just a fat guy in a baby pool.

   in desperate need of a padded room and a Thorazine drip..

   Wow you're really cute from far away. I think a long distance relationship could work.

   When life leaves you speechless, music provides the lyrics to help you find the meaning...

   Based on the seemingly random things my autocorrect suggests I sometimes wonder if it is trying to communicate with me.

   Eggnog....I get the egg part but, what the hell is "nog"

   thankful for unlimited text messages.

   I'm not mooning you. I'm turning the other cheek.

   This just in WIKILEAKS plans to reveal what you are getting for Xmas......

   The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.

   always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs.

   wants to thank all of those on his friends list that invited him to be their friend and aint bothered to speak to him. Well worth it. Cheers.

   gonna sing karaoke over the Wal-Mart intercom tonight

   Don't think of yourself as an ugly person, just a beautiful monkey.

   Once you start down that dark path, forever it will dominate your destiny. At least; that's what Yoda says. I'm still testing the theory...

   An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her

   I'd still choose rock over paper in a real fight.