Snotty Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Anti-wrinkle cream takes all the creases off your face and puts them on Tommy Lee Jones.
←Rate | 05-18-2017 15:18 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife hates snakes. But if they sold snakes at Target, we'd probably have a few snakes.
←Rate | 08-01-2017 07:33 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats... Then go look at Facebook for about 5 minutes.
←Rate | 08-04-2016 22:01 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
←Rate | 04-22-2017 19:02 by snotty Comments (11)  

   messageicon Sure,, Sure,, I could kill you with kindness,, but let’s see what else is just lying around I can use first.
←Rate | 01-13-2017 15:40 by snotty Comments (2)  

   messageicon Wow. Hard to believe in only a month my wife and daughters will be returning the gifts I bought them.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 19:06 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who needs conspiracy theories when reality is crazy enough lately. .. ugh
←Rate | 06-04-2017 16:59 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so tired,,, United Airlines just tried to charge me $25 for the bags under my eyes.
←Rate | 08-24-2016 20:30 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if the Three Wise Men said to Jesus, "Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas."
←Rate | 12-03-2012 09:54 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if Captain America ever borrows money from Captain China
←Rate | 02-23-2012 16:14 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I find it highly suspicious that the three bears had the dexterity to buy furniture and make porridge in the first place.
←Rate | 04-16-2013 19:43 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everytime this post is liked,, a Member of Congress gets kicked in the genitals.
←Rate | 10-04-2013 16:23 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yeah I'm married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT'S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
←Rate | 02-07-2013 11:09 by snotty Comments (3)  

   messageicon They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
←Rate | 02-18-2012 08:06 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I predict Peppermint Patty invites herself and her friends over to Charlie Brown's for Thanksgiving again this year
←Rate | 11-23-2011 13:29 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon My 6yo thinks it's bullcrap that grown-ups don't get a summer break.
←Rate | 06-03-2013 16:48 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kurt Cobain would be so disappointed to find out teen spirit now smells like Axe body spray
←Rate | 10-09-2012 16:02 by snotty Comments (1)  

   messageicon Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 23:33 by snotty Comments (1)  

   messageicon Some people's lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
←Rate | 10-22-2016 20:45 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon TOP MISTAKES MARRIED MEN MAKE: 1) Doing things... 2) Not doing things... 3) Thinking about doing things... 4) Not thinking about doing things...
←Rate | 03-08-2013 14:59 by snotty Comments (0)  

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