Funny Status Messages

   Marriage.........when dating goes way too far!

   Studies show that your chances of getting murdered drop down significantly when you STFU and mind your own business.

   I bet women's trust issues with men started with a weatherman.

   Ladies, please. Get a hold of yourselves. There's enough of me to disappoint all of you.

   Mars rover "Curiousity" has landed and less an hour later, something has stole 2 rims off of it...

   You had me at: I'm calling the police.

   You haven't experienced awkwardness and felt like a complete idiot until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish.

   If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn't invite me over.

   The less people you chill with, the less shi t you have to deal with

   Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.

   Just once I wish my iPhone would interfere with the airplane's navigation equipment and we would land in California instead of Detroit....

   I don't mind playing games as long as we both end up naked at the end.

   No one gets to the age of fifty without making a few enemies.

   My doctor won't tell me the diagnosis unless I upgrade to Bonus Features.

   Sometimes the difference between pleasure and pain is one inch.

   "I bet you I can get people to buy the shirt from a game they don't even know how to play." -Ralph Lauren

   Love your job but don't love your company because you may not know when your company stops loving you.

   Anyone else thinking they should drop Mike Rice into North Korea, just to get the ball rolling already?

   I don’t care how old you are, the only safe way to guarantee the monster under the bed doesn’t grab you is to use the run and jump method

   You know that part in Toy Story 3 were Andy gives away his toys? Well I find that part sadder than the whole twilight movies..