Funny Status Messages

   Treating others the way you what them to treat you is a great way to live your life. It may also quite possibly be sexual harassment...

   Well.. I was going to vote for a candidate but I saw a meme on Facebook,,, so now I'm going to vote for another candidate

   "Could you guys just have your election now?" - The entire world to America

   As your next President, I promise to remove all things Kardashian....

   I bet Batman's cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.

   .... If dueling to the death made a comeback today .... I bet people would start being a heck of a lot less offended!

   The Revolutionary War went on for like 8 years, yet we settle for a 3 day weekend? The founders would be so disappointed.

   May is National Procrastination Awareness Month.

   I wish bugs understood the concept of personal space.

   I always know what to say... It's the when and where to say it that I struggle with.

   It's 100° with an under-boob index of 110°.

   I'm wondering what kind of loser spends Thursday night drinking and bragging about it on Facebook? Anyway, I'm totally drunk.

   Some of you make impulsive, poorly thought out decisions. We should hang out more.

   I will give you 2 seconds to figure out that you have the right of way before I take it from you.

   typed this status with his toes.

   A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

   I'm so miserable without you, it's almost as if you were here.

   In the past, when you were angry with someone you argued with them. Now you just delete them off Facebook.

   After watching the iRenew infomercial about 800 times, I finally bought it because it helps promote “Balance.” Well guess what? It didn't help with last night's sobriety test!

   there is a great need for sarcasm font.