Funny Status Messages

   Nothing says "I don't have a mode of transportation" like being the dude hugging another dude on the back of a Harley.

   The best things in life are free...for now, wait until the government finds a way to tax you on that!

   wishes that "mafia wars" would get into a turf war with "farm town" and all the mobsters and farmers would kill each other so I wouldn't have to get anymore invites to fake shoot people or to grow some virtual celery.

   I'm calling in blind this morning. I can't see myself going into work today.

   Sociologists say San Francisco's birth rate is projected to decline sharply in the next decade. I'm actually rather surprised San Francisco has a birth rate.

   I'm thinking about suing the US postal service over their slogan "If it fits~It ships".... If that were true I'd be on my way to Hawaii right now.....

   The Social Network...Probably the first time I've actually read the book before I saw the movie ...

   Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter-accusations.

   So you REALLY have no clue how stupid you look with your over sized pants (with a belt) hangin so low. Really?

   is putting out an APB for a large orange orb that gives off light, warmth and occasional melanoma. Last seen 10 days ago. Goes by the nickname "sunny." Call 1-800-4SPRING if found.

   so F'n tired of those cheesy Old Navy mannequin commercials!!! Are they really hurting for money that they cant pay real actors????

   I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

   "Release the hounds" sounds so much more badass than "let the dogs out".

   CoD...... Keeping teenage pregnancy down, since 2003.\

   General Motors is poised to become “the success story” of the recession. GM said it wants to thank those who made its recovery possible: Toyota's brakes, Toyota's steering, and Toyota's accelerators!

   Was always told to practice the Golden Rule-treat others like I wanted to be treated...so I spanked you and pulled your hair.

   Ladies, if the story he is telling you is extremely detailed then he is lying.

   Batman has a lot of cool toys,, but if he uses anything but a laser pointer to catch Catwoman in the next movie,, I'll be really disappointed.

   I don't get these "my body is a temple" people. I prefer to think of mine as a "bar & grill."

   People would be way more pissed if that guy ate a puppy's face