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Unless there's a new app that lets you shoot people, that phone holster looks ridiculous.
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07-18-2012 13:19 by
Baddie
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95% of every relationship is navigating the question "Where should we eat?" without it turning into World War III.
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08-06-2012 05:59 by
flinnie
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I'm not always a gentleman in the bedroom, but I will hold the door for you so you can leave afterwards
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08-10-2012 09:53
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My wife's safe word: "Not tonight"
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12-23-2012 04:29 by
Czovczov
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If you live by the sword, I guess that's pretty cool. I live by some trees and other houses
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12-30-2012 08:19 by
Huck
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If I'm at Death's door, I'm going to pretend to be a Jehovah's Witness so that he'll never answer it.
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01-02-2013 11:56
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Friend asks me "Why do you carry a gun?" I reply "because a cop is too damn heavy to carry"
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01-23-2013 10:57 by
Wordup
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I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!
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03-01-2013 19:47 by
urboyblue
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"Common sense" is dead an buried. What we have today is "rare sense".
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03-05-2013 11:49 by
@jimzaiter
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Job application is a trick by some id! ots that they don't even bother to read your resume.
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03-13-2013 16:19
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Whiskey and Ambien. When you absolutely, positively, have to wake up naked on your neighbors lawn holding a mailbox.
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03-30-2013 12:09 by
minnie haha
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My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.
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04-08-2013 14:04 by
Aaron
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Sometimes I'm happy, then mad, then hungry and then chatty. So yes, I understand women. Great, now I'm crying.
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07-07-2013 13:22
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It's amazing how fast you can get drunk when you hate everyone around you.
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09-07-2013 02:17 by
Baddie
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I really cant walk the walk or talk the talk. But if you need someone to drink the drink, I am your girl.
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09-15-2012 10:32 by
Yo Girl
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Febreeze should make underwear.
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10-18-2012 20:44 by
StonerDudee
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Who needs dance lessons when you've got alcohol?!
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11-19-2011 11:20 by
@cdowney84
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Don't you wish you could just google anything? Like "where's the remote?" google:"under the couch",
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12-07-2011 04:04 by
g0re
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anything is pocket sized if your ass is big enough
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12-19-2011 16:57 by
SEAN
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It's okay to laugh during sex, just don't point.
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03-12-2012 15:07 by
Kisstopher
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