Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon When I'm at a restaurant I like to ask the waiter, “What's your most frequently photographed entree?”
←Rate | 10-03-2012 22:17 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friends don't let friends make 'Harlem Shake' videos...
←Rate | 02-20-2013 13:40 by JEBI Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got suspended from Instagram for going on everyone's food pics and posting the calories.
←Rate | 03-16-2013 21:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon US Marine SGT Michael Cable died in Afganistan today, but yet all I see on the TV is people mourning a drunk hillbilly....
←Rate | 04-02-2013 18:26 Comments (2)  


   messageicon My wife is upset, apparently I'm breathing wrong again.
←Rate | 08-23-2012 14:02 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I'm assuming it's Monday.
←Rate | 11-05-2012 09:54 by phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
←Rate | 11-14-2012 21:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Baby,baby,baby ooh!" Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to justin bieber AGAIN..? Daughter: No I'm watchin PORN... Mom: Oh thank God
←Rate | 01-23-2011 11:18 by Dopey420 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Enough With The Poking, Lets Just Have Sex
←Rate | 03-24-2010 12:58 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  


   messageicon If this was 1999, would you have ever thought 10 years from now you could sit on the toilet while updating your facebook status???
←Rate | 10-01-2009 09:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forgive me God, for the blessings I don't even notice
←Rate | 12-13-2011 00:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judging by the disproportionate size of Popeye's forearms, I'm guessing Olive Oyl didn't put out much.
←Rate | 03-25-2012 09:00 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice... Unless you're in a Mexican prison.
←Rate | 04-12-2012 17:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I read "ROFL", I hear Scooby Doo trying to say "waffle".
←Rate | 08-06-2011 18:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you: hard shell tacos, for surviving the factory, delivery trucks, and small food stores and then breaking the the moment I put something inside you.
←Rate | 07-11-2011 13:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when the people who owe me money post about how much they bought on Black Friday
←Rate | 11-26-2011 10:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon doesnt skinny dip...i chunky dunk
←Rate | 03-30-2009 19:26 by Fat Alec Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you are over weight and have trouble going up stairs, put a biscuit on each step....
←Rate | 01-15-2010 14:37 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Admit it....You once made a little kid cry, and then made them laugh so you wouldn't get in trouble...
←Rate | 11-15-2011 00:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actualy kill me
←Rate | 10-11-2011 09:49 Comments (0)  



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