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called your boyfriend gay and he hit me back with his purse
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02-19-2010 06:03 by
bhumit@twittername
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brought to you today...by the neighbor's router. ;)
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09-09-2010 14:08
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why is it after I press 1 for english, I still cannot understand the person on the other line?
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09-22-2010 17:33 by
TOM
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You know you're getting old when one of the Goonies is now playing a grandmother in a TV comedy.
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10-21-2010 18:28
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wonders who opened that first oyster and said, "My, my, my... now doesn't this look yummy!"
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10-23-2010 19:48
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would like to offer you a helpful tip : Build a bridge.....AND JUMP OFF IT!!
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10-25-2010 08:35 by
Elbow
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If I select the "Advance Pat Down" option instead of the Full Body Scanner, do I get some Barry White music and a nice glass of Merlot?
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11-23-2010 13:58 by
momofthewildthings
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Do car companies REALLY think it's possible that a spouse is secretly able to obtain financing, purchase a car, have it wrapped in a bow, and delivered on Christmas Eve?
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12-02-2010 18:28
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I'm beginning to realize that some people must actually enjoy being miserable.
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03-23-2011 16:45 by
Marshall the Great
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The people who deserve nothing, are handed everything.
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07-16-2011 23:11 by
itschillbr0
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DISCLAIMER: I am not responsible for things I may say or do in other people's dreams.
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07-18-2011 07:34
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To the guy who named cotton candy: Yes! It looks just like it sounds. To the guy who named Milk Duds: What the hell is wrong with you?
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06-10-2011 22:50 by
BEGO
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you know you've had too much to drink when you try to fax someone a fruit rollup.
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06-12-2011 09:38
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If you don't cuss when you drive you aren't paying enough attention to the road.
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10-06-2011 10:18 by
Marshall the Great
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If somebody's presence does not add value to your life... then their absence should make no difference!
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04-19-2011 22:12 by
Marshall the Great
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Thank you music, for being there when no one else was.
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02-03-2011 10:51 by
abbybaby34
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Just asked my barber for a Justin Bieber haircut... The f*cking idiot just shaved my pubes off.
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02-16-2011 11:40
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Do you ever walk toward automatic sliding opening doors, hold your hand up, and as they open think, maybe, just maybe, the force is with you today??
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02-18-2011 11:13 by
Paul
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I wish memories were like text messages so we could delete the ones we dont like & keep the special ones forever.
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02-22-2011 19:51 by
Abbybaby34
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I'm just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.
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02-27-2011 17:43 by
Abbybaby34
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