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Its amazing how the people with no job always have a bag of weed on them.
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10-08-2011 03:14
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When the I in "I love you" becomes more important than the "you," the word in the middle just fades away.
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02-02-2011 16:39 by
abbybaby34
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My Dear Ex, Don't get your hopes up about the pics of us on Facebook. The reason why I haven't deleted some of the photos is purely because I look good in them.
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07-14-2011 23:04 by
BEGO
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I can't believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.
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08-05-2011 13:18 by
SuthernFukr
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I like how the package for cotton swabs says don't put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
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08-09-2011 14:46 by
SuthernFukr
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20-30 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
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11-29-2011 00:02 by
eaglet1122
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it's been a terrible year for my fantasy dictator league
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12-19-2011 06:22 by
flinnie
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Cashiers are always checking me out.
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10-18-2011 09:38 by
SuthernFukr
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No matter where you live, there's always 1 light switch that doesn't do anything.
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03-15-2012 22:48 by
BEGO
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There's nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it's only lettuce :(
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09-18-2013 17:26 by
snotty
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If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
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09-26-2013 05:34 by
andrew jackson
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Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
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04-11-2014 15:51 by
SEAN
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I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin or a lawnmower.
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07-20-2014 20:18
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Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
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11-07-2013 06:23
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FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you'll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow
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02-13-2015 15:50
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The best part about daylight savings is that the clock in my car is correct again.
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03-10-2014 12:58 by
Udit
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Morning America, what are we offended by today?
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07-02-2015 13:42
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1
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No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
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09-24-2015 06:03 by
snotty
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0
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So.. your changing your iPhone 4 just for a half inch?? Hope your girlfriend doesn't do the same...
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09-23-2012 11:06
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It's a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
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04-14-2013 08:51
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