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If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.
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10-25-2011 15:58 by
Muzammil
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Duct tape and bungee cords on someone's car says "watch out, I definitely don't have any insurance"
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10-26-2011 17:31 by
@BoyGotJokes
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I feel like I should apologize to my shower drain.
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10-31-2011 19:53 by
Doc Noland
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The best person for a job is generally the one that understands it enough to not want it.
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12-22-2011 06:46
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Make a wish, and only you know it. Make a mistake, and everyone knows it.
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12-22-2011 22:28 by
BEGO
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With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine
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12-30-2011 17:22
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Seasons Beatings from your local Dominatrix office.
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12-31-2011 12:11
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The three magic words EVERY woman loves to hear, “You were right.”
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01-17-2012 14:06 by
Czovczov
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Some people's morning breath is an effective form of birth control.
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01-22-2012 15:09
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My elderly neighbor wanted to know what my email number was.
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01-22-2012 19:53 by
K-Mac
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Some of you must be really tired from jumping to so many conclusions.
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01-18-2012 06:25 by
Marshall the Great
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I wish my vacuum went "OM NOM NOM NOM" whenever it sucked anything up.
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03-22-2012 13:34
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I can't quote it verbatim,, but the mimes have a saying that goes something like this:
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03-31-2012 21:31 by
snotty
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If at first you don't succeed, do it the way I told you!
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02-13-2012 22:06 by
Maureen
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got 99 problems, and money is all of them
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02-16-2012 09:34
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Sometimes I just want to tell someone "You should play catch with lawn darts."
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03-02-2012 02:15 by
ff1241
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Experts say caffeine is bad for you, fat is bad you, sugar is bad for you… But don't worry, worrying is also bad for you too
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06-18-2012 22:23 by
BEGO
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So excited that The Weather Channel picked up "Weather" for another season!!
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06-29-2012 19:42
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If you pretend not to see me, I will use my outside voice to say hello.
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07-02-2012 14:06
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If it ain't broke, borrow money from it.
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07-04-2012 15:33
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