Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   RIP Batman 1939 - Ben Affleck

   Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?

   "Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting

   Even if Hillary becomes president, Michelle Obama still beats Bill Clinton as the First Man in the White House.

   He came hopping out of nowhere... I nearly spilled my beer, while I was driving along texting with the radio cranked up. Suddenly, I seen a flash of gray followed up with a "thump-thump!" Anyway Happy Easter! Sorry if you didn't get anything, my bad.

   I don't get why people pay $400 a month in child support. According to the Sally Struthers, you can feed a kid for 35 cents a day.

   Superman dies and Ben Affleck sucks as Batman

   Behind every successful woman there is a man staring at her butt.

   If evolution is so real... why are the Kardashians still mating with monkeys?

   ..... Attended a Reverse Ressurrection at the Cemetery today.

   I wish these kids would stop crying. I won the Eater egg hunt fair and square.

   I like the scene where Superman and Batman are having a picnic and then Ant-Man tries to steal their food.

   My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support

   I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.

   human skull found by Hollywood sign that of a female.... Mouth wide open.

   if you wanna be something today be an encourager, there's likely someone you know that needs one.

   This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

   Two things you'd say to a cat but never to a woman: "Stop licking me." "Get your b utthole away from my face."

   “How about a rope that's angry all the time” – GOD WHILE CREATING SNAKES

   Whenever I see someone walking around with a selfie stick, I always wonder what happened for them to just give up on life like that.