Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Pro tip: If you really want to freak people out wear a Santa Claus suit as your Halloween
←Rate | 10-31-2015 10:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I could survive 3 months in the wilderness with a pocket knife and the contents of a woman's purse.
←Rate | 10-31-2015 12:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For Halloween I'm going as a mom who sends her kids up to strangers' houses to beg for candy while she stands in the street drinking a beer.
←Rate | 10-31-2015 12:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's hoping that the new Star Wars trailer results in the Princess Leia metal binki costume trend coming back.
←Rate | 10-31-2015 13:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will judge you based on what your teen-aged daughter wears on Halloween
←Rate | 10-31-2015 14:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 9 minutes ago Should I buy halloween candy or pay off my mortgage?
←Rate | 10-31-2015 15:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Hooters delivered would they be called Knockers?
←Rate | 10-31-2015 20:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are you single? No I am Album.
←Rate | 11-01-2015 00:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bruce Jenner is Woman of the Year? That is great and all, real news would be when Obama becomes a a man against Putin...
←Rate | 11-01-2015 01:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Realized I never said "unquote" after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I've said since is Shakespeare
←Rate | 11-01-2015 08:02 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon He walked across the parking area explaining, “I’m going through a lot”
←Rate | 11-01-2015 08:03 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you take a trip around the world and calculate the different time zones just right, you can pick yourself up from the airport
←Rate | 11-01-2015 08:04 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's like I tell my kids, "don't cry over spilled milk, cry over daddy's inability to keep up with our mortgage payments."
←Rate | 11-01-2015 08:11 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s nice how your Selfies accentuate your instability.
←Rate | 11-01-2015 09:17 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon someone needs to tell Wyclef he can come back now
←Rate | 11-01-2015 12:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am not saying she is ugly but if she had kids, I wouldn't want one of her puppies
←Rate | 11-01-2015 15:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may not be great in bed, but I should at least get a participation medal after sex.
←Rate | 11-02-2015 00:06 by VATERPOP Comments (0)  


   messageicon My legs have decided to take part in 'no shave November'... By the looks of things they started in September.
←Rate | 11-02-2015 02:33 by X Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just gave my "friends list" a good douching. It's been a while, and it was getting a little funky with all of those people in there.
←Rate | 11-02-2015 11:46 by John Y Comments (0)  


   messageicon This No-Shave November is just a guy thing right? I'm not a big fan of surprises.
←Rate | 11-02-2015 13:45 by John Y Comments (0)  



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