Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon So Bruce Jenner heard the woman gets everything in the divorce he showed her and became one too.
←Rate | 08-19-2015 06:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Revenge so sweet it gave me a toothache
←Rate | 08-19-2015 08:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My name means pathological liar in Slovenian.
←Rate | 08-19-2015 11:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Relax Jared. You will still be able to get all of the footlongs that you want in prison
←Rate | 08-19-2015 12:13 by cpaman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hope all of the ladies out there get to be with the man of your memes.
←Rate | 08-19-2015 13:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So Megan Fox Is single this is my chance
←Rate | 08-19-2015 15:13 by TB Comments (0)  

   messageicon Got kicked out of the local casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
←Rate | 08-19-2015 17:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
←Rate | 08-19-2015 17:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."
←Rate | 08-19-2015 17:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been trying to leave Rome for weeks,,, but all their roads have this weird design flaw.
←Rate | 08-19-2015 19:13 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jared began and ended his career trying to get into smaller pants
←Rate | 08-19-2015 19:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sesame Street has moved to HBO and promise to contain some shocking spoilers, like how to get there.
←Rate | 08-19-2015 19:30 by Jimmy F. Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't use alcohol as a crutch. It's more like a motorized wheelchair.
←Rate | 08-19-2015 20:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like my women like I like my sentences, without periods!
←Rate | 08-19-2015 21:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like my woman like I like my beer; brown, smooth, and goes down without any problems.
←Rate | 08-19-2015 21:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've never had sex with a ten but I'm wondering if two fives count.
←Rate | 08-19-2015 21:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like my women like I like my coffee.. in a burlap sack shipped over from a 3rd world country
←Rate | 08-20-2015 05:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Nephew asked me if I knew anything about Galileo .... "Do I" I said, "I know he was a Poor Boy that Nobody loved, from a Poor Family."
←Rate | 08-20-2015 05:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [high school reunion] Him: I'm a doctor Her: I'm a lawyer Him: What do you do? Me: PEOPLE VALIDATE ME ON THE INTERNET..
←Rate | 08-20-2015 16:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ever think about an old friend and wonder what they're doing right now? They're playing on their phone. Everyone is playing on their phone!
←Rate | 08-20-2015 18:28 Comments (0)  

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