Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon What if the Lottery is an institution to catch time travelers..?
←Rate | 08-28-2015 14:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This lady in Walmart is staring at me like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
←Rate | 08-28-2015 18:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pro tip: buy the cheap vodka and run it through your Brita water filter a few times..
←Rate | 08-29-2015 13:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon COP: can you describe the man that attacked you?..... TEACHER: I don't know, CAN I describe him?...... COP: *heavy sigh* MAY you describe him
←Rate | 08-29-2015 19:34 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dentist said I grind at night. I said, I think the kids call it twerking now.
←Rate | 08-30-2015 06:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken.
←Rate | 08-30-2015 07:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Took a quiz "Which Sex and the City character are you?" Turns out I'm the bus driver who splashes Carrie in the opening credits.
←Rate | 08-30-2015 07:33 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just watched an entire TV show without being on my phone just like they did on the Mayflower.
←Rate | 08-30-2015 08:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I heard that breathing can give you cancer.
←Rate | 08-30-2015 12:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some days, all I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask. That is all.
←Rate | 08-30-2015 12:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I'm sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
←Rate | 08-30-2015 12:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Underwear is for pussies See what I did there? .. Sigh.. Brilliant
←Rate | 08-30-2015 12:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stevie wonder is blind and can play the piano but I can't get a text back 😒
←Rate | 08-30-2015 12:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fruit flies. Is there anything nowadays that isn't gay?
←Rate | 08-30-2015 12:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing makes a room feel emptier than wanting someone in it. J
←Rate | 08-30-2015 13:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're an adult, you don't have haters. You're just a showoff .
←Rate | 08-30-2015 15:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever turned the radio station and the same song was on..happened to me
←Rate | 08-30-2015 21:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon it in bad taste to ask if Wes Craven died in his sleep?
←Rate | 08-30-2015 22:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Taylor should Have Grab The Mic from Kanye west and Said "im sorry, but MLK jr. Had the best speech of all time"
←Rate | 08-31-2015 00:30 by VamNate Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kanye even went as far to become a Kardashian to get into the spotlight.
←Rate | 08-31-2015 00:50 Comments (0)  

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