Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   my science teacher said living things are made up of cells so why don't we call our lovers our "cell mates"?

   I must have been involved in some filthy debauchery last night, because when I woke up the Jesus statue in my bedroom was facing the wall.

   Don't worry white folks; the rhythm is never going to get you. You're safe.

   English: even when they had guns, the still preferred to smash the sh1t out your face in a fair fight.

   Don't take life laying down. That is, unless you're a prostitute. . .

   White folks dance like they have an invisible hula hoop around their waist.

   Cocaine so white, it quietly forms a single file line.

   On a scale of Bruno Mars to Wesley Snipes, how dark do you want your coffee?

   Heavy D: Now that we found love, what are we gonna do with it? Scientist: Containment protocol, we can't have everybody catching feelings.

   Kudos to all the GOP Presidential candidates for their 2 days of silence regarding the shooting victims

   I know why blacks are always angry....you would be too if you had to go through life with a wad of pubic hair on top of your head.

   ***LATEST SOCIAL MEDIA GAME~~~ Inbox me your Bank Account or Credit Card number (be sure to give me the expiration date and 3 digit security code) and I will post in my status which bill or Christmas gift I used it for. Let's play!!!

   Just tried to make out with my wife on the couch. It was like trying to give a cat a bath.

   The Dallas Cowboys today announced Al Bundy as their new starting Quarterback.

   The Dallas Cowboys finally made it through a Sunday without losing.

   NYC Detective: One of you is an octopus,,,, who is it?... *Everyone points at me.... Including Susan, with all eight of her arms*

   I like big PUTTS & I can not lie,,, You other golfers can't deny,,, When a ball rolls in with a slow topspin & the caddy moves the pin, you get PAR

   "You promise you didn't get me bees again?"............ [me from a distance].... JUST OPEN IT

   *arrives at hospital carrying a tiny chair... " Ummmm, Yes,,,, Where would you like my stool sample?"

   I paid 4 the lady in front of me at Starbucks. She hugged me. Deciding when it's the right time 2 tell her I hit her car in the parking lot.