Funny Status Messages

   One of the best feelings is cutting a person off and then having them do something to reassure you that you made the right decison.

   "Windows is waiting for the program to respond." Funny... So am I.

   I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so friggin' heroic.

   It's really hard raising a child by yourself, I don't know how my T.V. does it.

   Ok who was the moron that came up with idea of the kiddie shopping carts shaped like animals,trains, race, cars or whatever! Parents do you really need to push your kids around the store in in a shopping cart bigger then the car you came to the store in!

   My life would make one really good Soap Opera, or at least four really bad country songs.

   Considering the number of paternity tests Maury Povich has on his show, I think he should change the shows name from " The Maury Povich show" to "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?".

   My car heater has two settings: face melting and off.

   "Paranormal Activity 2" - terrifying tale of suburban home that unexpectedly gets possessed by Bank of America.

   Love how you keep me warm and make me feel safe. Never a scornfull word or negative comment. Always pick me up when I am feeling down. You smell good all the time and are steaming with pleasure.......Coffee, I think I love you........

   This is what I spent all those years learning my ABDs for?

   People say that money can't buy happiness. I say I haven't yet secured sufficient funding to conduct a sound study on this subject.

   Thinks that you people are just lucky that I am so terrified of Prison!!

   dear homework, you are not attractive, and I'm so not doing you.

   says having kids means having pictures in my wallet where I used to have money!!

   SURGEON GENERAL WARNING: The amount of Alcohol consumed can directly increase the amount of facebook activity.

   We should handle everything in life like a Dog would... if you can't eat it or play with it then just pee on it and walk away.

   A woman knows she's wearing the right dress, when her man wants to take it off.

   People always demand to know who farted as if they'll decide how disgusted to be based on who's responsible.

   In a new interview, BP's CEO said that the Gulf Coast oil spill is relatively tiny compared to the 'very big ocean.' That's like telling someone who's just been shot not to worry about the bullet because they're really, really fat.