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Phire Funny Status Messages
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I didn't outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
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06-21-2010 17:47 by
Phire
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thinks you should NEVER look down on someone...unless you have a clear view of cleavage.
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06-21-2010 18:30 by
Phire
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just saw an ugly, pregnant woman and thought, "Good for you."
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06-21-2010 18:41 by
Phire
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You moon the wrong person at the office as a joke just once, and suddenly you're not "professional" anymore.
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06-21-2010 17:51 by
Phire
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thinks you should probably just let your "Honor Roll" student drive, cause you're very obviously an idiot.
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06-21-2010 19:15 by
Phire
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wondering who left the bag of idiots open.
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06-21-2010 17:43 by
Phire
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Dear man at the gas station, I admire how your mustache begins with your nose hairs.
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04-26-2011 12:16 by
Phire
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Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
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06-21-2010 17:58 by
Phire
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tired of all the emails I keep getting on how to enlarge my p*nis, especially since I am a woman, so I have forward them to my exhusband
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06-21-2010 18:35 by
Phire
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considered being a stay-at-home mom but then I found out the kids would be there too.
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06-21-2010 15:41 by
Phire
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Been on hold so long I forgot who I called. Got a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't narrow it down much.
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06-21-2010 17:42 by
Phire
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If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "sh**" and "syphilis
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06-21-2010 18:28 by
Phire
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thinks the fastest way to being happy is to make others happy. You go first.
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06-21-2010 17:52 by
Phire
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if you listen to the Charlie Sheen interview backwards you can hear Gaddafi laughing at Bambi dying.
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03-01-2011 19:28 by
Phire
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Man made alcohol, God made marijuana, who are you going to trust?
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06-21-2010 17:57 by
Phire
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if you're ever feeling down just remeber: you were that ONE sperm that made it.
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06-21-2010 14:40 by
Phire
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all I want is a comfy bed, a kind word and unlimited power.
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06-21-2010 17:44 by
Phire
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I hired Helen Waite as my assistant. So if you need anything from me you must go to Helen Waite.
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06-21-2010 14:45 by
Phire
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loves Ben & Jerry's ice cream but this new "Schweddy Balls" flavor is leaving a bad taste in my mouth.
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09-23-2011 08:39 by
Phire
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