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Dear Wikileaks...where is the fkn video already...Sincerely, USA 
My next door neighbour's battery went in his Smart car today. I had to give him a jump start from my iPod.
now accepting applications for a Valentine...Requirements as follows : 1) Pulse 2) Female...as the day progresses, requirement #1 may become negotiable...
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it's strapped to the top of someone's car.
Your phone has more computing power now then all of NASA had in 1969. They launched a man into space, we launched angry birds into pigs.
If I ever get summoned for jury duty, I plan on appearing in the courtroom in a puff of smoke and yelling, "WHO SUMMONED ME?"
If someone calls you a freak just thank them. Nothing throws people off like a proud, polite freak.
loves the smell of Friday in the morning, it smells like... WEEKEND.
Hopefully Paris Hilton never becomes a vampire. Sure she loves the nightlife, but she'll go nuts not being able to see her refection every 10 minutes.
Well lets see for Christmas I bought the iPhone,iPad,iTouch.... now iBroke,iHomeless and iRegret...
If you insist on telling me about the day your child was born, then I insist you also tell me about the night it was conceived.
Could I borrow your face for Halloween?
I've decided that I will be a team player when I get paid like a pro athlete.
While I may not always return the affection of those who like me, I always admire their good judgment
it just me or everytime someone says "and one time" you are thinking "at band camp" in the back of your head...
I can't wait to go home and rip off my ex-girl friend's underwear!! They have been giving me wedgies all day
hates it when he goes to a Vuvuzela concert and people start playing football...
Heres a question. If you and your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife switched phones and facebook profile for 24 hrs would you still have a relationship!!!!!
Just got back from visiting the future, was disapointed you weren't there. Can't go into details, but please stay away from revolving doors, and bean dip.
Just got a job helping a one arm typist do capital letters. It's shift work. 