Funny Status Messages

   Think women are the weaker sex? Try pulling the blankets back to your side.

   If you're not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever.

   Dear Wikileaks...where is the fkn video already...Sincerely, USA

   My next door neighbour's battery went in his Smart car today. I had to give him a jump start from my iPod.

   now accepting applications for a Valentine...Requirements as follows : 1) Pulse 2) Female...as the day progresses, requirement #1 may become negotiable...

   Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it's strapped to the top of someone's car.

   Your phone has more computing power now then all of NASA had in 1969. They launched a man into space, we launched angry birds into pigs.

   Could I borrow your face for Halloween?

   If I ever get summoned for jury duty, I plan on appearing in the courtroom in a puff of smoke and yelling, "WHO SUMMONED ME?"

   If someone calls you a freak just thank them. Nothing throws people off like a proud, polite freak.

   loves the smell of Friday in the morning, it smells like... WEEKEND.

   Hopefully Paris Hilton never becomes a vampire. Sure she loves the nightlife, but she'll go nuts not being able to see her refection every 10 minutes.

   Well lets see for Christmas I bought the iPhone,iPad,iTouch.... now iBroke,iHomeless and iRegret...

   If you insist on telling me about the day your child was born, then I insist you also tell me about the night it was conceived.

   Just got a job helping a one arm typist do capital letters. It's shift work.

   Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That's why most of the women put on make up and most of the men lie.

   A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. ‘You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, ‘I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.

   (1)Google Translate (2)Type,"Will Justin Bieber ever hit puberty" (3)Eng 2 Vietnamese (4)Copy/Paste the Vietnamese Words (5)Vietnamese 2 English

   I've decided that I will be a team player when I get paid like a pro athlete.

   has just read his wife's magazines and there seems to be two topics of major importance to women: .1) Why men are such disgusting pigs and .2) How to attract a man!