Funny Status Messages

   You have six kids with six different fathers and you're on this online dating site looking for a honest and committed man with no kids...ok..good luck....

   I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?

   Sigh. Guess it's time to go do some grocery shopping. A mouse hung itself inside our fridge and left a note "can't live like this"

   A psycho and a teenage girl are walking thru dark scary woods..Teanage girls says"My I am very scared walking thru these woods" The psycho replies"How do you think I feel ? I have to walk back alone"

   Wife asks her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"

   Thinks its funny when people read someone elses status & start to wonder if it has something to do with them.

   I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

   Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

   I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

   Twitter: The site where people signaficantly want to get stalked(Follow) and tell people their business where nobody cares. Lol....really. But they love it

   I think once I get past the restraining orders and the court dates and the stalking charges....I really think this relationship can work!!!!

   I wear an eye patch when I download music illegally.

   There are so many people looking for Bin Laden, I think they should also search for Joyce Dewitt from Three's Company. She vanished over 20 years ago. Not even TMZ seem to know where she is.

   You're one of those people who pushes when the door says pull aren't you?

   it's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now sounds a little better than, it's 1:15, I'm trashed & horny...

   hates leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

   just saw an ugly, pregnant woman and thought, "Good for you."

   I've always wanted to spin around in a chair and say: "I've been expecting you."

   Facebook is basically a crazy house. People poke each other all day, have an imaginary pet, farm, and city, talk to walls, and have random arguments with people.

   What's six inches long, two and a half inches wide, and drives women wild?................................. Money