Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Everyone's self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse
←Rate | 03-04-2011 22:20 by SlowMotionNinja Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seems those who wear Princess, Sexy, and MILF on a T-shirt...usually are NOT.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 10:00 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you're gonna order a salad with ham, raisins, peanuts, croutons & extra ranch, just order a freaking sandwich.
←Rate | 07-26-2011 23:29 by derfmeister Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beautiful people and ugly people basically look the same by 80. So hang in there ugly people!
←Rate | 07-27-2011 09:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss being young and innocent. Now I'm old and guilty...
←Rate | 08-12-2011 04:56 by J.B Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can rise or shine...take your pick.
←Rate | 08-14-2011 23:14 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two secrets to keep your marriage happy.. When you're wrong, admit it, and, when you're right, shut up.
←Rate | 08-19-2011 20:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you're driving illegally, suddenly every car is an undercover cop.
←Rate | 10-15-2011 18:57 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon so far I've handed out 23 caramel covered onions on a stick to trick or treaters... life is fun
←Rate | 10-31-2011 20:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know when you walk into a room and forget why you went in there? That's God playing Sims, he just cancelled your action.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 17:16 by Kembry87 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who try to get on camera in live news report backgrounds clearly haven't been punched enough in their lifetime.
←Rate | 12-20-2011 06:35 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Selecting a menu item at a Mexican restaurant is easy once you decide how many times you want your food folded.
←Rate | 03-07-2012 10:20 by SuthernFukr Comments (1)  


   messageicon Occasionally I look up from my iPhone and have no idea where I'm at.
←Rate | 03-14-2012 20:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The girl I'm dating has a kid who just started high school. She wanted ME of all people to have a talk with him about "the birds and the bees" We talked for about 4 hours, and I gotta tell ya, I learned A LOT.
←Rate | 03-18-2012 21:31 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Ladies, if a man doesn't answer your "What are you doing tonight?" text till it's already night time, you're Plan B.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon This morning when I awoke I rolled over, smiled at the beauty that was there beside me , gazed into those beautiful brown eyes and said, "Good Morning Sexy." I knew it was a good idea to install that mirror by the bed.
←Rate | 03-28-2012 14:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have reliable inside information about Apple's next product. I will not be able to afford it.
←Rate | 04-09-2012 02:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanted to learn a second language and could not afford Rosetta Stone so I bought a Pitbull CD.
←Rate | 04-09-2012 22:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon milk expires tomorrow, guess who's having 3 bowls of cereal tonight!:D
←Rate | 04-14-2012 12:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If at the end of the day you have the same number of kids you started out with that morning, then you've done your job as a parent.
←Rate | 06-12-2012 14:37 Comments (0)  



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