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Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
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06-05-2012 13:41 by
mark
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STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life
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06-06-2012 18:28 by
SuthernFukr
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I'm gonna make this girl mine..... Right click, Save As....
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06-11-2012 14:46
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Are you sure we haven't met before? Because I feel like I hate you from somewhere.
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07-01-2012 15:33 by
Czovczov
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A co-worker said to me, "Could you be any more annoying?" So the next day I wore tap shoes to work.
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07-12-2012 13:52
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It's a weird feeling when you can't remember if something happened in a dream or in real life.
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11-26-2011 20:49 by
g0re
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Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours
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12-14-2011 13:52
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When I buy butter I don't choose it by how it tastes,I choose the one that's going to make the best cereal bowl when it's empty.
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02-07-2012 18:07
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If I could turn invisible I'd go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he'd get would be amazing!
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02-20-2012 10:55 by
XX-FOXY
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I listen to nothing more closely than the muffled conversation happening after someone has accidentally butt dialed me.
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03-02-2012 21:11 by
BEGO
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Before Twitter Americans had no way of knowing the illiteracy rates of their favorite celebrities.
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12-29-2011 17:53 by
hihuggiehi
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I hope my New Year's Resolution to only say nice things about people isn't misinterpreted as a vow of silence.
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12-31-2011 04:17 by
hihuggiehi
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We now live in a time where people choose their insurance providers based on who's TV commercial is funnier
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01-13-2012 16:02 by
flinnie
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I hate when people don't watch where I'm going when I'm walking and texting.
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01-22-2012 12:28
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Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop
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01-24-2012 04:09
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Hey, people who jog in place when you're at a red light. Calm down. We're already judging you. Don't give us more ammo
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10-15-2011 08:04 by
flinnie
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Part of me thinks I get angry easily, the other part wants to beat the crap out of it for thinking that.
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10-21-2011 13:06 by
Muzammil
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Facebook Shortcomings: Everyone in the picture is tagged, except for the attractive person I wanted to stalk.
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11-08-2011 00:50
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"Police! Open the door!" ... "Will you promise not to get mad?"
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11-11-2011 01:30 by
Czovczov
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unfortunately, my day dreams about being skinny are always interrupted with the sounds of my chewing.
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04-25-2012 15:35 by
Baddie
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