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Jason Collins said coming out of the closet would been a lot easier if his closet wasn't so FABULOUS! 
I think if I ever win the lottery I'm gonna get all my ex girlfriends incorporated into a life size whack-a-mole game.
"WARNING"..This Status may be copied for quality and training purposes
Cougars: The younger women may have the energy, but they have the experience.
i should change my name to "period"....all the women seem to hate me
I just got a new weed whacker today, And you could say,,,,,, (removes sunglasses) It's got, "Cutting hedge technology."
My girlfrand said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on. I don't get women.
I just ran over a dog. At first I felt bad but then I realized it was my ex.
I think one of the greatest regrets I'm going to have later on in life is that I've never participated in a Harlem Shake video...
AACK! I just realized that I'm still "it" from a game of tag in 1996. Ohhhh it is ON!
Just discovered that one sock in my favorite pair of socks has a hole in it.....I really don't think I can go on with my day now.
If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys! But then again most of them already do.
I like my men like my Vodka: Gone in the morning!
If you're not happy being single, you'll never be happy in a relationship... Get ya life in order before you try to share it with someone else.
A friend of mine told me he had sex with his girlfriend and her twin, I asked how he could tell them apart, and he said her brother has a mustache.
When life knocks you down...Calmly get back up, smile, and very politely say, "You hit like a b!tch"
I refuse to jump on the bandwagon and talk about Anderson's Pooper. I mean Cooper.
Life is all about ass, everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one :)
Santa is the original Voyager!
Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is your List of Naughty Girls! 