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Scientists confirm diarrhea is hereditary, saying it "runs in your jeans." 
also slept with Tiger Woods.
when love is in the air I put on my gas mask.
I want to thank e-Harmony for the free match weekend...they are amazing...found my perfect match, sent the profile, and pic...we are getting together later today...I am so impressed and very curious how they got a picture of my left hand....
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming...
Went out tonight, saw many women with hot costumes including Sexy Snow White, Naughty Nurse, Hot Cop, Horny Devil, French Maid, etc....but not one Will Leave You Alone During The Football Game and Give You a BJ during Halftime. The search continues...
Old people tell the best stories.....
not trying to be rude, but this lady in front of the line looks like she is mixed with mongoose.
Sean Connery's dog must get so confused when he yells for it to sit...
Apparently the perfect Obamacare plan for a guy like me includes birth control pills, maternity leave, abortions. And transgender operations. In case I want to take advantage of these services...
Remember these 3 things: If you're a man, never take marital advice from Josh Duggar. Ladies, don't accept drinks from Bill Cosby & couples, don't let Jared Fogle babysit your kids.
It's 2015,,,, why do babies still have cords
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster!
Look on the bright side, Hillary. Nelson Mandela did get elected president until after he'd served 27 years in prison.
the Republican Presidential race sounds as substantial as Keeping up with the Kardashians.
RIP Uncle Phil (James Avery) you were the Prince of Bel Air!
Joan Rivers may have been too old to be an organ donor, but be on the lookout for some fresh new faces on your local mannequins.
25% of women take mood stabilizers, yea , the other 75% are runnin around unmedicated
DOG DIARY: Today was so much fun! My master and I played fetch! CAT DIARY: Day 972 of captivity.
Its better to be a good person then to have a good body. 