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Simba was walking to slow, so she told him to mufasa 
Santa must be a man. No woman would be caught dead wearing the same clothes every Christmas!
I'm typing this update because some fat, ugly wildebeest just sat across from me in the lunchroom and I want to look busy.. thank you for your support and understanding. It means a lot to me in these times of uncertaint -ok she just left, that was close.
"When I die I want it known I want to be buried face down, so anyone who didn't like me can KISS MY ass"!!!!!!
Its a stank fishy smell in the air...the prostitutes must be overheating
I want to name a race horse "my face”, that way everyone will be shouting “come on my face!"
Those girls, fake hair color, fake nails, fake tan, fake eye lashes.. and yet they wonder why they can't find a "real" man
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons
I really think the Mars Rover is scouting for the next Wal-Mart Superstore site.
I was told to get a life so Up Up, Down Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start now I have 30 of them!
well atleast LA knows how to convict GUILTY people . . . maybe FL could learn a few pointers??? . . .
Doctor says I have Gunter glieben glauchen globen syndrom. I break out in hives whenever I hear Def Leppard's "Rock of Ages".
It doesn't matter how old or gangster you are- if a toddler hands you a toy phone, you answer that
I think Hillary secretly wanted to go to prison so she could campaigin to all the black democrats
Psychology: the search for selfunderstanding through the study of others.
My wife hates sex but I am so glad her best friend doesn't
Be with a guy that ruins your lipstick, not your mascara
I have never voted in my life... I have always known and understood that the idiots are in a majority so it's certain they will win.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know, hunting elephants.' 