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Whenever I wait behind a door to scare someone, they always take too long to come, so I leave disappointed. 
Nothing screams, 'Pedophile' like having curtains on your van windows.
You can't change a ho, but you can exchange the ho.
The Christmas spirit is gone and I blame the Ghostbusters!
resting his pimphand
Laughter is not the best medicine...Large amounts of beer, now that's the best medicine!
I can't recall,,,Was the "power of Grayskull" 110v or 220v?
"I love Justin Beiber" Hey Jeff, eat a Snickers, you're gay when youre hungry
Toothpase is the smallest section at Wallmart
Ever find out your wiper wash is empty AFTER you have smeared bug guts all over your windshield?
I think a funny thing to do is call "How's My Driving" numbers on the backs of trucks and yell, "Well for starters GET OFF THE PHONE!"
Some people's facebook $tatuse$ are ridiculously overdramatic. "going to school feels like a knife through my heart!!!" it's like, .....shut up.
In some places in India it is cheaper to have sex with a prostitute than it is to buy a condom.
Money doesn't buy you happiness is just a saying rich people made up to prevent poor people from wanting to rob them.
You never see the GEICO Gecko driving a car in any of those commercials. I find that suspicious..
Women are cool until they start loving you. That's when all the drama starts.
One politician endorsing another is like poo endorsing diarrhea.
Google+ is like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense. It doesn't know it's dead yet.
IDEA: Mood cars. Vehicle color changes based on drivers behavior. Turns red; they're angry. White; they're sick. Pink: they're pregnant.
Hide and Seek scores are out! Remote Control: 16. Me: 0 