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I think that every horoscope should read: "Your day is already a failure... you rely on horoscopes."
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05-04-2011 20:59 by
@The69Sheriff
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I'm not that vain, but that song is about me.
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08-23-2011 22:11 by
Fat Alec
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Before you get married try walking with your partner through IKEA. If you don't end up in an argument, you're good to go.
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09-05-2011 05:51 by
flinnie
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Roses are red Violets are blue Friend Requests are great But who the f#$k are you?
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07-05-2010 00:25 by
RoN
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Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
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09-24-2010 21:52 by
greg2missy
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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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01-11-2011 10:36 by
Will
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Life is too short for regrets, so after mortally wounding your enemies, learn to forgive yourself and move on
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01-05-2010 11:58
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Noticed this morning that I have the body of a Greek GOD! Old, obsolete, and something that no one is interested in anymore.
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01-16-2010 10:10
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My uncle once told me, believe in yourself, work hard, and try not to have sex with other peoples wifes
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02-19-2010 11:29
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If we're not supposed to have late night snacks.. why is there a light in the fridge?
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04-20-2010 19:01 by
Marshall the Great
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We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes... ;) :D :P
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05-23-2010 21:24 by
Marshall the Great
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Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
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10-23-2012 12:39
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If someone starts a speech, "I'd like to take this opportunity--," I interrupt by shouting, "He's trying to take our opportunity! Grab him!"
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11-30-2012 02:32
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I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
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09-11-2012 17:30 by
hihuggiehi
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i cant decide between American Idol, DWTS, THe Voice or chopping my nuts off with the hedge trimmers.....
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04-14-2013 17:08
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You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can't conjugate verbs.
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08-23-2012 06:24 by
Huck
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Meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Wednesday because this is bulls**t."
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12-31-2012 16:08 by
StonerDudee
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I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pi*sed. Not my fault they don't have Windows.
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01-16-2013 06:17 by
@zubindalal1
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Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you havent pissed in 8 hrs
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01-22-2013 20:45 by
Aaron
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you will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
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03-02-2013 05:12
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