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Playing Wheel Of Fortune- Phrase G_F_CK Y_ _RS_LF ..would you like to solve or would you like to buy a vowel?? 
What's more shocking than finding out Shirley Temple has died? Finding out Shirley Temple was still alive.
Romney spent $800m to not be president. I spent nothing for the same result. Who's the better business man now?
Two cars crashed into each other in Mexico. 57 Dead.
Religious people on being born g@y: "There's no scientific proof!" Religious people on religion: "We don't need scientific proof!"
The only reason women can't park is because we are constantly being lied to about what 8 inches really is.
All these people ready to vote for a runner up from 6 years ago that could not handle her last job....
going over his plans for world domination and all those who have crossed him in the past will be unmercifully slaughtered....have a great day!!
Nancy Pelosi: Doing to health care what she did to her face!
Sometimes you gotta have a Jimmy Carter before you can have a Ronald Reagan.
Warning: Spelling errors in this message are the product of a poor school system. Pay teachures more than athletes.
Watching golf is like watching paint dry....
When someone yells "Shotgun!" I yell "Rosa Parks!" sit down and refuse to move.
Justin Beiber always sings about girls, she must be a lesbian
The only thing you can believe from CNN, MS-NBC, ABC, CBS, NBC and WaPo that resembles accurate and factual reporting are yesterday's sports scores.
How about you take a knee and protest the next time you get stopped by the police rather than running or fighting
The fatter the chick, the bigger the psycho.
I like turtles because they're so chill- They're just like: "Hey man, I want to swim, & maybe eat some lettuce. But I'm gonna take my time.
now when you go to a restaurant & say "im so hungry I could eat a horse" it might actually be on the menu
Do something awesome, no one sees it. Do something embarrassing, everyone sees it. 