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not on speaking terms with his liver 
Bad Spellers Untie!
if men had periods they would brag about the size of there tampons!!!
If they REALLY wanted us to have a happy period tampons would vibrate
would like to thank the 5 supreme court justices that allowed us to keep one of our civil rights today. Long live the 2nd amendment!!
■Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
DMV kicked Lebron James out of the organ donor program for having NO HEART......
Happy PALM Sunday to All Singles out there!!
- You know "f-cking" is one of those f-cking words that you can f-cking put anyf-ckingwhere in a sentence and it still makes f-cking sense!
Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the middle ages. They’re calling it “Islam”.
What jackass put up the saints and field goal posts comment??? The Saints scored the most points in the NFL this year. Very smart fan!!
I'll celebrate Cinco de Mayo when Mexico celebrates the Fourth of July!
Why the outrage over Romney's misspelling of "America?" For gosh sake, his parents didn't know how to spell "Matt."
I always cry after sex. God, I hate prison!
Relationships are all about finding someone that hates children just as much as you do.
Even at 50 years old, I can still turn a lot of heads. It's mostly to see where the smell is coming from though ツ
Congratulations Kanye for setting your daughter up to be teased with corny pickup lines all throughtout her school years. "Hey North West, wanna switch directions and go down on the "dirty south" with me?"
Every time someone tells me “you have a good handshake.” I reply with “you can thank my pen*s for that.”
Forget the melting polar ice caps, the most devastating element of the future will surely be how many grandmas have tramp stamps.
Nelson Mandela is dead. he has done some simply stunning things in his lifetime, my favorite was his performance as Red in Shawshank Redemption. 