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At first, I was thinking of gifting my friend an iPad for his birthday, but on a second thought, I might just gift hm a magnifying glass for his iPhone... 
figured out that plastic surgery allows women to make their outer appearance resemble their inner appearance -- fake.
When I see a hot girl in a Movie or on T. V, I google her name to see if she has any nude pics.
I just want a man who knows the difference between… Its/It's… Your/You're… Two/To/Too… Their/There/They're… and eats my pu$$y like a pro.
It's been over a year since I found anything to steal here. If nobody else is gonna say it I will. R I P FSM. I'd type the whole name of the page but we're not allowed smh...
I like to flirt with people in stable relationships just to test how stable their relationship is.
hey, lets take a picture of our f#kin dinner and put it on facebook so the whole world can not give a sh!t
"You can't be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn't work that way. You're already hard to want." -Peter Griffin
In the chemistry lab, proving that ugliness is more than skin deep.
How could anybody in the World think that "wRiTiNg iN tHiS wAy" is cool??? It's only a language murder and a terrifying waste of writing-and-reading-time...stupid kids, have you got the hiccough???
I jerked off to Poison for almost a year before I found out they were dudes. And then for like another 3 months.
According to a new report, America's teenagers are 30th in the world in math. Luckily, America's teenagers will never understand the report because they're 85th in reading.
If God gave you a good singing voice you should sing loud in church to give thanks. If God gave you a bad singing voice you should sing loud in church to get even.
SAFETY REMINDER: If you encounter an NFL Running Back this weekend, Keep your distance and do NOT approach them....
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
Your honor, let the record show the defendant's eyebrows are drawn on.
We should've let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
[job interview] it says here that one of your strengths is making snake sounds, is this true? “yesssssssssssssssss”
I don't think Bruce Jenner realizes that there can only be 5 Spice Girls.
If you ever get cold and don't have a sweater, stand in a corner for a few minutes, they're usually 90 degrees. 