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With all the spam we get for p*nis enlargement pills, you'd think by now someone would have invented a pill to shrink v*ginas instead. 
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That'd be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
An ex should stay an EX. They`re an EXample of the wrong love & an EXplanation for why you deserve better!
My co-worker seems to think I need anger management classes... I don't know I think he just needs shut the f*ck up classes.
I feel a little better when I remember that Lady Gaga is just as scared of us, as we are of it.
Word of Advice: No matter what city you live in, no matter where you travel, there will always be douche bags there.
Give a man a fish,, and with MY LUCK,, he'll heat it up in our office microwave.
Time I spend listening to music - 54 seconds. Time I spend untangling headphones - 17 minutes
She is buy-sexual. You have to buy her expensive sh!t if you want sex...
Not sure how to feel about always being the one asked to take the family group photo.
I would totally dominate Iron Chef Pop Tart.
Me? Fail English!? …. That's unpossible!
Whats up this video of a dude with a huge zit on the back of his neck going around facebook?.....I'd rather be stuck at the bottom of "Mike & Molly's" ass pile than have to watch some wonderlick pop a giganic tumor-like pustule!
slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
Obama this, Bush that... How about if you're still unemployed after 3+ years you might just be a loser?
iPhone > Android > Nokia > Land phone > Typewriter > 2 cans and a string > Message in a bottle > Pigeon with a note tap > Blackberry
The TV remote, the G-spot and black dads. Some things are just made not to be found.
Boy sees his mom and dad having sex. Dad says "were making you a brother." Boy replies " do her doggy style, I rather have a puppy.".
1) Go to Google Translate 2) Type in “Will Justin Bieber ever hit puberty” 3) Translate: English to Vietnamese 4) Copy & paste the Vietnamese words back into translator 5) Translate: Vietnamese to English 6) Laugh Uncontrollably!!
..The big bad wolf tells little red riding hood to suck his d*ck. She says... "Look f*cker! stick with the story, You're supposed to eat ME!" 