Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Saw a headline that read 'Woman beats off rapist' and thought.. Well that seems like a reasonable compromise. 
This orange juice tastes weird without vodka.
FYI - It's really difficult writing a death threat while you're listening to Journey.
A girl on Facebook posted about how she sprained her toe, and I didn't comment on how I hope it wasn't her camel toe, because I'm an adult. I sent it in a pvt message ;~)
I bet shady people have a really hard time getting tan
Women on fb. They "Poke" you a hundred times a day. Then they find Mr. Perfect for the millionth time and then disappear...until the big breakup a week later...then the Pokes start up again. DELETE!
It has been proven that girls whose profile pics were taken in a mirror or more likely to send you nudes
Every time I see you my heart flutters, and time slows down. So either I'm in love or having a stroke!
If I ever go missing, put my picture on a bourbon bottle; no one I know drinks milk.
My wife said she would jump in front of a bullet for me. I got my gun out. She is such a liar.
My solution to world hunger: Tell em to order Dominoes Pizza.....they can't possibly get in 30 minutes so it would all be free.
Liking your own status is like high-five-ing yourself in public
Tomorrow is the 1 day that dyslexics will b able to get a date right. :-B
There are two varieties of hoe. One is a gardening tool. The other is a hardening tool.
Drank two pitchers of mojitos and didn't post a photo of it... Yes,,, it IS actually possible do that.
either i'm becoming bitter and judgemental or everyone else has become stupid and pathetic.
Ladies, if you ever want a guaranteed call from your man, just send him to the grocery store without a shopping list.
Facebook just suggested I be friends with my ex. I marked it 'Offensive
Whenever my EX shows up in my Facebook feed, I think "I am so glad you're the one that got away."
I was dating an English teacher, but she dumped me.... She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon. 