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I bet when Jesse James and Kat Von D have sex it looks like 2 Ed Hardy shirts tumbling in a dryer! 
How many mexicans does it take t-... Oh sh#t, they're done..
I really thought my ex was joking when she said my obsession with the Monkees would cause us to divorce. Then I saw her face, now I'm a believer.
I can't wait till October for when Rapture the sequel comes out.
What do you call nun in a wheel chair.. Virgin Mobile
if your blonde and attractive... stay away from Aruba
if you're ever attacked by a bunch of clowns... Go for the Juggler!!!
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday
To those who oppose Governor Desantis' covid revisions, kindly remain locked up in your homes with your masks firmly attached to your faces along with your heads up your a$$es.
My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.
NO ONE make any sudden moves,...the sun is out and I dont want you to scare it away.!!!
feels like this thing has turned into an FML website... but they arent even funny now
I question the marketing department at car dealerships. Does anyone drive by and say "Look balloons! I gotta buy a car!"
You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac... you're welcome.
Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for 'lesbian'. It has been changed to 'vagitarian'.
Excuse but your status is showing
wondering WHY does Barnes & Noble have all their books on back pain on the bottom shelf? WTF?!
I was at a cash machine when an old lady walked up and asked me to help her check her balance. So I pushed her over.
I just ate so much ravioli I could sh*t an Italian. If it turns out to be Snooki, you all better thank me when I flush that crazy b*tch.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location. 