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Snotty Funny Status Messages
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Page: 17 of 22
No GPS,,, I will not take the road less traveled. I live in Maine,, Have you seen Deliverance?
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04-09-2016 11:02 by
Snotty
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Pro tip: hold the scissors to the wifi cable to get your family to do what you want
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04-09-2016 10:58 by
Snotty
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I gained so much Winter weight, I had to go buy a pregnancy test just to be sure
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03-21-2016 11:52 by
snotty
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"I've looked everywhere" to men is really.. "I gazed around the floor then opened and shut 3 cabinets"
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03-21-2016 11:51 by
snotty
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One thing I've learned about women is they prefer that I don't speak
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03-19-2016 18:29 by
Snotty
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But how are you supposed to do the sheep inventory, and NOT fall asleep on the job??!!..... *I said to HR during my exit interview
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03-19-2016 08:22 by
Snotty
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Plot twist: you can't play the guitar on the MTV, gotta work for money and chicks aren't free.
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03-18-2016 21:09 by
Snotty
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Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
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03-18-2016 20:57 by
Snotty
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My 3 year old can speak 60 words a minute... With gusts up to 90
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03-18-2016 20:50 by
Snotty
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8yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year?... Me: What's wrong with the one we live in?.. 8yo: WHAT !?!... Me: Goodnight, son.
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03-17-2016 22:12 by
Snotty
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Spider-Man : Can I be in the Avengers now? ... Captain America : Ummmm, sure... Spider-Man : What can I do?... Iron Man : You OK with Web-design?...
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03-12-2016 10:43 by
snotty
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( last meal on death row ) "Parmigian cheese?" . . . *I nod. . . "Say when". . . * I wink at camera. . .
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03-11-2016 20:08 by
snotty
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*calls up Domino's. . . WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVENLY? . . YOU'RE TEARING MY FAMILY APART !
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03-11-2016 19:37 by
snotty
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This is your captain speaking,,, Please fasten your seat belts,,, The Boeing 737 in the gate beside us looks like it wants to race.
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03-11-2016 19:32 by
snotty
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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because you could be eligible for compensation.... Please call Goldstein and Goldstein to see what your case may be worth.
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03-06-2016 21:25 by
Snotty
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Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. But with your help, we can put a well in their home village.... Hi,, I'm Sarah McLachlan
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03-06-2016 21:22 by
Snotty
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Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I'm spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
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03-06-2016 20:00 by
Snotty
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I just spent 20 minutes at the store choosing the best food with only organic ingredients for my dog, then took my kids to Burger King.
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03-06-2016 19:54 by
Snotty
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[At the Border] Officer: “You American?”... Me: “Deep”... *Officer squints*... Me: “Fried”... *squints harder*... Me: “Guns”... "Welcome back, Sir."
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03-06-2016 16:22 by
Snotty
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"Be careful when you follow the Masses. Sometimes the 'M' is silent."
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03-06-2016 16:05 by
Snotty
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