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THEY'RE going THERE with THEIR friends. Come on people...it's grammar, not rocket science. 
If there's anything better than yelling at squirrels, I'd sure like to know what it is.
My policy towards g@ys is the same as my policy towards vegetarians. More g@ys means more women for me. More vegetarians means more meat for me. Its a win win situation.
It only took Kim Kardashian 72 days to realize that Kris Humphries wasn't black
You realize 300 pages of this crap has been written since thanksgiving.
Drawing sunglasses on the sun never really made sense to me.
so....I just found a bottle of 5-Hour Energy in the gutter.....there was still 18 minutes of energy in it....just the boost I needed....
It is by far the most beautiful lump of coal you have ever seen..
Saw a Cougar wearing a Leopard coat, driving a Jaguar. It's a jungle out there.
I hate it when I forget I'm watching a show on DVR and I accidentally watch all the commercials.
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
I really want a sandwich, but I just don't have the time or energy to find a girlfriend right now.....
Don't like tipping bathroom attendants for merely handing me a towel. Maybe if he performed a service like wiping my ass I'd consider it.
I'm a heavy sleeper... Also, a heavy awaker... Okay, I'm fat.
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
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While Everyone Was Kung Fu Fighting, I went out and bought a gun.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I've been using them for all this time?
Good for Boston...celebrating in the streets like Buckner caught the ball!!!
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news, his ring is missing. 