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the difference between a paycheck and a blowj** is you don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck 
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
Political speeches are like bull horns. A point here. A point there. And a lot of bull in between.
Remember a diamond was merely a lump a coal that did well under pressure..
I would like to Like you, but I don't know where to click it :))
Look, all we have to do is put little pieces of paper with mystical-sounding gibberish on them inside these cookies -- we'll make a fortune!
It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. #GeorgeCarlin
Why is the Queen dressed like the guy who owned Curious George?
Apocalypse Tip: When you become a Zombie, stay clear of Washington D.C, no brains will be found there.
So me && grandma go for a joy ride and I turn on the radio, she says" who in the devil is this?" I replyed Grandma, his name is 50 cent, she then said " well I'll give him a dollar to shut up!"
I'm opening a shelter for battered onion rings.
It's not considered a "mood" if you're always in it. At that point, it's just YOU being a D-BAG!
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old
American presidents: ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☻
“She ain't you" is by far Chris Brown's best hit since Rihanna.
What do you think the employee discount is at the Dollar Store? Do you think it's 'just take it'?
You know.... I have gotten some really great bathroom decorating tips from Facebook.
If you start your day on a positive note, more than likely it will end in harmony..
Wow.... There really is one born every minute.
With the fuel prices as high as they are, I'm going to be BAD this year and hope Santa brings me COAL!!! 