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A good man will admit when hes wrong.. A really good man will change the subject... Without the other party even realizing it.. 
Just Googled "Chris Brown" and now I have a black eye.
If North Korea hits us, I think the Military should kneel down and let the NFL players handle it.
The signs of a good plate of nachos? When you turn your plate 3 or 4 times and have NO idea where to start!!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My girlfriend is a porn star, she's going to be so pissed when she finds out.
Imagine how good Bieber's loves songs are gonna be when he sees a vagina
I have a confession too Oprah. For years I have been stealing s tatuses from all over the Internet and passing them off as my own original thoughts.
Wanna feel old? This years high school graduating class was born in 1995.
I feel like I am forgetting about something. Oh that's right the titans. I was supposed to remember the titans.
Still waiting for what didn't kill me to make me strong.
"theres plenty of fish in the sea"...apparently I'm looking where bp had an oil spill cause all I find is dirty ones
If we're in a car and I love the song on the radio and you turn it down to tell me something, please know that I now hate you
4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin & a creep who won't stop inboxing meeee ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬
They should make a matchmaking site for single socks.
I always feel sad when I white van drives right past me... It makes me feel like I'm not kidnap worthy
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
Odds are there is someone who is your “Facebook Friend” that you absolutely cannot stand and the only reason you keep them on your list is to watch their slow untimely demise.
used to hate red lights before text messaging was invented.
Hurricanes are like women : when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car. 