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There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now. 
Having a terrible night with my date and her husband
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn't talk much and I like that.
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
The police department should replace their sirens with the national athem.
The older I get, the more sense it makes to have a TV in the bathroom.
People tell me to Get a Grip, then they get all pissed off when I put my hands around their neck.
How do you know you're allergic to cats if you don't even eat them?
I don’t mean to brag,. But I closed down a few bars back in the day without the Governors approval,.
My 5 year plan is to survive this year
My biggest fear is getting a murder hornet stuck in my facemask as I shovel snow Saturday morning in May.
So riots are part of phase one of the reopening?
I would pay $1,000 to watch the "View" hosts attempt to run one mile.
This generation is guilty
of making the wrong people
rich and famous.
HA ... According to the Democr@ts and the DNC those so called "Russian Hackers" were much better than we thought!! Apparently they were actually able to hack Hillary's emails from the NSA, Put them on Huma's laptop and then pin it on Mr. Weiner.
" I have known @nthony Weiner for a long long time and consider him a very good friend, His sudden impending suspicious suicide will take a serious toll on all of us." ----- Hillary Clinton
I watched Bugs, Popeye, and the Roadrunner every day when growing up. This nation is the beacon for the world. Kids today watch cartoons with 0 violence and need safe zone. I fear the future.
'Half the world is made up of people with something to say but can't & the other half is made up of people with nothing to say but keep on saying it anyway.'
Throughout the 90's, during its infancy, the internet was referred to as the Information Superhighway. Little did we realize, that in such a short amount of time, it would unfortunately become the Misinformation Stupidhighway.
It never fails. I wash my car and the very next day I hit a pedestrian. 