Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "OMG I got flowers and chocolate! I should take a picture of them and post it on my Facebook page so everyone can know I got flowers and chocolate!" - Some Silly ho on Facebook.

   As I was watching the Lion King, I thought to myself .... So its ok for a monkey to hold a baby over a ledge, but when Micheal Jackson did it, all of a sudden there was a problem.

   I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took them off. "Take off my shoes" I took off her shoes. "Now my hose, bra, and panties!" I took all them off. Then she looks at me n said, "I dont want to catch you wearin my things ever again!"

   It's 2011, microwaves should have one button that says Cook Shit.

   Here is a episode for mythbusters....once you go black ,do you never go back?

   Today marks a historic date of our country. Happy 4th of July to everyone. The day Will Smith saved us from Aliens.

   -- Is it called a "Wonderbra" because when she takes it off you wonder, where the f**k have her t*ts gone ?......

   Nothing beats a woman with a great voice. Except Chris Brown.

   My landlord just called and said my neighbors just complained about all the loud freaky sex they are hearing from my house... So now I'm on my way to buy some headphones for my laptop...

   My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting drunk.

   Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that low prices attract many customers.

   Wait NAACP: Now you're sayin that " Once you go b!ack,,, you CAN go back?"

   What was I like in high school? You know that guy who drove a Mustang and banged all the cheerleaders? I'm the reason he passed calculus

   First woman on Moon: -Huston, we have a problem? What? -Never mind What's the problem? -Nothing Please tell us? -You know what's the problem

   Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I'm stalking you" was much funnier in my head.

   The ability to get Pregnant is a Genetic trait. Scientific evidence shows that if your Parents never had any Children then neither will you...

   Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie

   I wear gasoline for cologne because women love the smell of money.

   How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??.....??

   I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest pen$s she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg"