Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Remember when it was rude to be with one person while talking to another on the phone?Now we text with five or six other people at once while pretending to pay attention to the one person we're physically next to

   If a wolf can take down a deer from either flank, does that make him bambidextrous?

   If you want bright eyed and bushy tailed, go chase a squirrel!

   Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

   There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.

   i didn't really change.. I just got tired of pretending..

   At least once a week, everyone should bike to work, so there will be less traffic for me.

   How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?

   You're never too old to learn something stupid.

   I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn't be allowed to leave Wal Mart.

   I love when you say something that is just dripping with sarcasm and people still can't figure it out.

   Please leave your ego at the door so other people can wipe their feet on it before entering.

   All my life I've wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.

   sometimes when I'm bored I lay on my kitchen floor and pretend I'm a crumb..

   I tried cooking with wine tonight, after five glasses, I forgot why I was even in the kitchen

   Together,, I can beat schizophrenia

   Chris Brown is adding vocals from Aaliyah to his new song. Congratulations on making a plane crash the 2nd worst thing to happen to Aaliyah.

   Women are like cats. Rub them right and they'll love you, on occasion.

   Gangnam Style is a clear example that Americans don't give a crap about lyrics

   Hey Scientists: Less sheep cloning and More making our world look like The Jetsons. Chop chop beotches!