Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?

   Let's be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.

   As the proud parents of a high school senior, my wife and I want our son to be successful and have all the things we couldn't ever afford. Then we want to move in with him.

   I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that's not just the booze talking either".

   Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

   Don't be upset that you're single; be happy that someone isn't ruining your life.

   Rock bottom hangover: I ordered pizza just to get soda delivered

   This hahaha guy just ignore him and dont rate his post he will be b gone. Trust me

   ‎Primeday‬ is just like the clearance aisle at Walmart... The deals suck and you can shop in your pajamas...

   Someone needs to invent a filter that blocks ALL content if it contains certain words: my three words would be: Kardashian, candidate, Bieber.

   Should you even have to say the words "don't touch the dog's butthole" to your child?

   took my dog to sign up for Welfare. The clerk said dogs are not eligible. I said why not?!? He's unemployed, lazy, can't speak English, and dosen't know who his dad is!

   You see stretch marks........ I see tiger stripes

   says if Rihanna liked the way it hurt, she'd still be with Chris Brown

   I want to be the reason you pee in six different directions every morning.

   Watching the RNC, I find it quite ironic that Romney is wearing flip-flops.

   I love snow it can make the dirtiest ghetto look clean.

   Today is world animal day...let's all take a moment of silence... and remember our Ex's

   Since there are more Chinese people than any other race on Earth, does that mean they have normal eyes and we have big crazy googly ones?

   As I slid my finger down her g-string I thought to myself..... what a nice guitar.