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Internet Explorer says I must have cookies turned on. I've licked them seductively - what more can I do? 
We don't want Justin Bieber either...... Canada!
When I want to trim down my friend's Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
Sex so good your neighbours made you a sandwich
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
I dance like people wish they weren't watching.
It's cool how our pinky finger evolved into a cell phone stand...
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
Huge spoiler here....... Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. I know, right?!?!?
Crocs have holes in em so your dignity can escape.
They're having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I'm dreading it.
My Wife woke me up at 3:00AM for some fun. So here I am at CVS buying batteries.
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
My biggest fear is dying in a car accident that doesn't totally destroy my phone
I'm going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are under investigation by CPS, Sounds like someones about to go live with their auntie and uncle in Bel Air..
The older I get the more I understand Squidward's anger.
Pornography only gets called by its full name when it's in trouble. 