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   messageicon My phone just autocorrected "Haha" to "Jaja" so I guess I'm Mexican now.
←Rate | 08-17-2015 18:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be careful of those who pat you on the back. They might be looking for a soft spot to plant the knife.
←Rate | 02-27-2014 19:01 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if they make a movie about Leo’s life and how he couldn’t win an Oscar, and the dude who plays Leo wins an Oscar…AWKWARD!
←Rate | 03-06-2014 11:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 300 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote.?
←Rate | 03-17-2014 11:10 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...Thinking of getting a government grant to study ... Why flies can get in your car so easy, but can’t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
←Rate | 04-14-2014 20:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I haven't crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don't care what I think.
←Rate | 06-23-2014 08:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That's about as organic you're gonna get out of me.
←Rate | 07-01-2014 01:03 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon This year’s box-office revenue is down 20 percent from last summer. I’m not sure why that is, but I'll bet you there’s a documentary on Netflix about it.
←Rate | 07-09-2014 14:31 by Mark M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes when I'm feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.
←Rate | 09-02-2014 01:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I'm a ball of fun when I black out.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 01:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on your bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
←Rate | 11-11-2014 23:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn't want to go to in the first place.
←Rate | 11-17-2014 23:43 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. But with your help, we can put a well in their home village.... Hi,, I'm Sarah McLachlan
←Rate | 03-06-2016 21:22 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to leave random messages like "I'm pregnant -- Call me" on random car windshields in the shopping mall parking lot.
←Rate | 04-29-2016 07:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they're transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
←Rate | 05-10-2016 00:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon May the shooter's 72 virgins be all males.
←Rate | 06-12-2016 11:00 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need a way to change my relationship status to "Out of Order" or "Temporarily Out of Service."
←Rate | 06-28-2010 14:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you took a Facebook IQ Test and it determined you're a Genius, the fact that you participated in a Facebook test negates the results.
←Rate | 06-29-2010 09:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Deleting your Facebook account is a quick way to find out what people will say at your funeral.
←Rate | 06-29-2010 17:44 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twilight showed me it's okay to date underage girls if you're a 107-year-old vampire
←Rate | 06-30-2010 09:32 by Pineapple Comments (0)  



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