Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Back in my day we didn't have all these types of birth control. We only had "OH HELL NO!" And we used it.
←Rate | 09-02-2012 21:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulder and I think to myself...holy crap some of you are fat, lose some weight or something.
←Rate | 09-12-2012 16:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spending quality time with the people that really matter reminds me of who I am and recharges my love, hope and drive. I'm forever grateful.
←Rate | 09-15-2012 09:54 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Political opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one and no one wants to hear it.
←Rate | 09-18-2012 20:47 by @raldo_gtm Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Couples That Are In Love Are Called "Love Birds", Then Couples Who Are Always Fighting And Arguing Should Be Called "Angry Birds"
←Rate | 10-09-2012 16:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's like my dad always said, "Don't call me Dad."
←Rate | 10-13-2012 15:42 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey bartender! I spilt my beer in my mouth, can I get another??
←Rate | 10-21-2012 20:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'll get a pet Boa Constrictor. It should be real cheap to feed him what with all the free kittens on Craigslist.
←Rate | 07-21-2013 14:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So,, If you're blind and on the toilet, do you wipe until you count to 20,, or how does that work?
←Rate | 07-27-2013 08:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend says that a small pěis won’t affect our relationship. Whether she’s right or not, I’d prefer it if she didn’t have one at all!
←Rate | 08-10-2013 17:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twinkies are like Val Kilmer, bloated, saturated in fat, and no one’s had them in their mouth since the 80's.
←Rate | 08-10-2013 17:51 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Redneck word of the day: MORON. Usage: "Hey ma, Miley has moron her plate than me!"
←Rate | 09-01-2013 02:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I lost my virginity to a guy who said "just the tip"
←Rate | 12-21-2012 08:19 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I had a circular driveway put in my front yard. Now I can't get out.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 11:53 by Boo Hiss! Comments (0)  


   messageicon JUST saw Santa jumping from roof to roof with half a dozen cops behind him. Perhaps he lost his Reindeer and they're helping him find them?
←Rate | 12-25-2012 02:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've run out of fingers & toes to count the reasons of why I'm going to hell.
←Rate | 01-05-2013 14:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two things some people can't live without, God and the internet, are everywhere and all-knowing. But only one of them gives you naked woman anytime you want.
←Rate | 01-06-2013 12:23 by Prince Shawn Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like reverse cowgirl because she can't see me tweeting and updating my Facebook status.
←Rate | 01-10-2013 20:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please stop praying for my grandpa you are making him too strong. He broke out of the hospital & cops say their guns don't work on him
←Rate | 01-15-2013 23:06 by gay Jeffrey Comments (0)  


   messageicon it would of been cool if Atlanta Falcons had won today....then the Super Bowl could be sponsored by the game "Angry Birds"
←Rate | 01-21-2013 00:49 by Eddy Comments (0)  



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