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SOMEBODY'S gotta be the best fu*k in town, and it happens to be me. 
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HAVE YOU FOUND A REAL JOB YET?!!!!! no,i've been searching for a FAKE job that'll pay me FAKE money,to pay all my FAKE bills off,so when I retire,i can move to a FAKE retiree home in florida.
•Keep the smile. •Leave the tear. •Think of joy. •Forget the fear. •Hold the laugh. •Leave the pain. •Be joyous till i. post again!.
You can spend 7 bucks on a 6 pack of Bud Light or you can just take a piss in your mouth for free.
"My God, they spilled glass shards, tacks and honey on this floor. How will we get it up?" Law & Order: Special Vacuums Unit
The ground hog in my back yard never seen his shadow...but he had an erection what does that mean...
trying to find a radio station that isn't milking the Whitney Houston death-machine.
I was sitting having a poo as you do and thought, wow you know, they should hook something up to the flush button that activates an applause. That would be so cool.
when a kid says a cussword some parents & babysitters will wash their mouth out with soap....if you type a cussword does that mean you should wash ur hands?
Whenever someone comes out and tell the world that they are gay, I always feel the urge to ask if they are the "pitcher" or the "receiver"
Due to the retarded faces some girls like to make and the fact that it's become cool to be a jerk, nowadays, instead of duck, duck, goose, all you see in pictures is duck, duck, douche.
How much you wanna bet I can throw a football over them mountains?
Newt Gingrich just said he was "a pretty good debater" I wish he would have said he was a "master debater" instead so I could write something funny about it!
Quick! Somebody come up with a Donna Summer post, because according to reports, Summer won't be coming around any more.
Woman, us men salute you. Your ability to take a load in the eye and up the nose when we miss your mouth, like a champ, is recognised
After spending over millions of dollar on the Election Campaing, I heard Romney is broke now..... He can clean up my neighbors yards with all them Rep. signs, i'll pay him in food stamps.
wants everyone to remember that when it seems like God has turned His back on you and He seems so far away....remember this...He's not the One that moved.
Boston fans always bring up the total team salary of New York when the Yankees lose, yet they never mention Red Sox have MLB's 2nd highest payroll and still failed to qualify for playoffs. Translation = Yankees spend wisely, Red Sox do not. Case rested.
Hillary's already working on her 2020 re-election campaign 