Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "Do you know why I pulled you over?" "No, officer." The cop removes his shades and looks to the horizon with teary eyes. "Neither do I."

   Ohh man! They shut down the Grand Canyon! Where is all that water gonna go now?!?

   The worst things in life are free, too. Like, gonorrhea, chapped elbows and flyers left on your windshield.

   Be the change you wish the homeless people didn't know you had

   Silence is the most intolerable of answers.

   People got 20/20 vision to YOUR problems but be Ray Charles to they own bullsh*t.

   Do you have to go to the DMV to register as a sex offender or can you do it online? Asking for 14 friends and an uncle.

   It's not always about sex, sometimes the best type of intimacy is where you just lay back, laugh together at the stupidest things, hold each other, and enjoy each others' company.

   No one wished me a Happy Birthday today. But then, today isn't my birthday either.

   I can remember when he was just Lieutenant Tso...when nobody respected his meat..

   So after a 7hr erection, do I seek out a Doctor or a Porn Studio?

   Trying to put together last night events. No tiger in the bathroom. No face tattoo, ....can't find my pants

   It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table.

   Relationship status: everything sounds like "marry me" through duct tape

   Maybe at tonights Grammy's, Justin Bieber will get the award of Demerit.

   A good girl with naughty thoughts is still a good girl right?

   Missed it by that much. I had Phillip Michael Thomas in the celebrity deadpool...

   At least the children in Africa will be getting their Championship Broncos Tshirts

   funny the way some people speaks about a nation as they're personal beliefs !! Is cute to have an opinion ! Now sit down and shut it! don't speak for a whole nation.

   Don't care about Beetles...But yes, LOVE every Beatles song! P.S. learn to spell before you try to Dish someone...