Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Huh,,, It's pretty cool how willy wonka got away with murdering all those bratty kids that went on a tour of his candy factory... Hmmm

   I just saw a donkey use the zebra crossing to cross the road. What a smart ass!

   My alarm clock went off...I reached over and I guess I must have hit the "throw yourself against the wall and break into a thousand pieces" button.

   if you assume all people are crazy, the mystery of life would be solved.

   WHATS THE NAME OF THE SHOW WHERE THEY CATCH CRABS " JERSEY SHORE"

   In the Toronto mayor's defense it was maple syrup flavored crack...

   Funny how one morning you can wake up feeling like you're on a tropical island and the next day feel like you woke up on the island of misfit toys. . .

   im a real cool person once you get to ignore me

   If the NFL is so smart, why haven't they created a cable channel of just NFL cheerleaders dancing and jumping around?

   Listen to what girls say when they're angry... That's when the truth comes out.

   Apparently a seizure isn't a challenge to a dance-off.

   I've decided I no longer want to be an adult....if you need me I will be in my blanket fort with my coloring book, etch-a-sketch, lite brite, speak-n-spell, and my sit-n-spin. Best. Toys. Ever. This is gonna be off the hook!

   I have psychic powers...I knew you would read this.

   I know he's not good for me. I think I love him. -women

   "Wow! A chocolate river!" exclaims Augustus. Wonka adjusts his hat. "Actually, that's an open sewer line, but feel free to keep drinking…"

   I went grocery shopping hungry and I'm now the proud owner of aisles 6, 8, 9, 12, and most of the bakery.

   Chicken soup poured into a dinner bowl looks yummy. Chicken soup poured into a toilet bowl looks disgusting.

   In hindsight, naming my animal control business "I'll Pound That P ussy" wasn't a very good idea.

   I started to use alcohol as a crutch,,, and the I realized it was a liquid.

   When you're working out in 108 degree heat and have to pull up your soggy underwear after going #2 FML