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Does the Advance Pat Down come with an happy ending? 
money talks and right now its saying "Nah nah nah nah nah...you can't catch me!"
Expect the entire internet to run slower for a while. 11 million nerds are sucking up the bandwidth to experience the Cataclysm.
Everyday I hear people say they would to take a break and get some fresh air. So, this year I'm wrapping some up in boxes and giving as Christmas gifts.
I’m sorry I don’t meet your expectations but I think you should give me some credit for excelling at disappointing you.
This bottle of Jack Daniels and I are gonna need a do not disturb sign and a safe word tonight.
Don't get mad... get weed.
Nothing shows more Christmas spirit then then Egypt, and Sudan they keep sending each other cars- that blow up! Merry Christmas You Filthy Animal!
If there is a hell, I already know that I'm going there. So at this point of my life, it's really go big or go home.
Have you ever walked into a room after a gay 0rgy? That's how your breath smells in the morning
Just bought the new book set "Understanding Women" the simplified version. it's 14 volumes with over 876 pages per volume.
Every since we got a Handicap permit, It's like everybody got one and I can't never find Handicap parking Now.
Honey I shrunk the kids' college savings,,, and bet on a pure bred horse
Never trust a guy who says trust me
Those who don't know me think I'm on drugs. Those who do think I should be.
Women don't like women that look like women you used to date.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore I was wearing one but I was still shot by the woman's husband
I hate Throwback Thursday. I already have to see your ugly face in a hundred different angles from your selfies. Now I have to see how fat and ugly you were as a kid too?!
I just wanna be the reason your therapist can afford to buy a Mercedes 