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Is as bored as a vibrator in a nunnery 
If fanny packs were actually awesome, do you realize how easier life would be?
going to wear 3D glasses today and shout EVERYTHING LOOKS SO REAL!
a special edition, 1 of only 6,822,400,000...
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Stop crying. You asked what I thought of your haircut and "macho" is a compliment where I come from, lady...
I think I have a combination of Alzheimer's and ADD. I can't remember what I wasn't focusing on
Jay-Z has never explained the mysterious disappearance of Jays A through Y.
If God didn't think humility was important, he would have put the prostate somewhere else.
you say bacon, I say "I love you"
On this day in 1967 Mister Rogers' Neighborhood premiered. To this day I'm convinced that Fred and Mrs. McFeely had something going on.
what is the square root of pie?...MORE PIE!
a wife is like the suits of a deck of cards. You need a heart to love them, a diamond to marry them, a club to beat them when they drive you nuts, and a spade to bury them when their dead
Ever notice how your dream girl often turns into your nightmare?
Every notice how your dream girl often turns into your nightmare?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PACMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!
every second becomes a minute, every minute becomes a hour but when your living it up every crazy sh#t you did in your life becomes the best memories.
if Charles is in Charge of our days and our nights, who's this God guy people are talking about?
With great power comes a great electric bill
tea party movement? lets just call it for what it is ball bag in mouth movement! 